The Way We Were

When I was younger I thought so highly of myself. I thought I was the smartest fucking person in the world. I had perfect breasts and a fabulous ass. I thought I was going to be President of the World.

Now…

Well, I still think well of myself. I know I’m smart, but I don’t know everything. Okay, I know that I know very little. I still have great breasts and a decent ass. I think, maybe, I could be on city council.

As I get older, I realize that I have become a sexy Verbal Kint. I get up to start walking. My joints are stiff. I try to put one foot in front of the other. My foot turns in and a slight limp can be detected.

Toda Hodida.*

After a few steps, I begin to get my groove back. I start to switch my hips from side to side. I begin to glide. My bad-ass Kaiser Soze emerges.

Bam. Bam.

Some dangerous curves right there.

The thing is, I don’t feel that I should be getting older. I still look in the mirror and see the girl I have always seen. The girl I love. And I wonder if my husband can still see that girl too.

I worry that it may be getting harder for him to see me as I was. I worry that he will only see me as I am becoming. An older woman. I wonder if he worries about whether I see him as an aging man.

The bad news is that a successful marriage means that you will be with one person as you deteriorate and wither; in other words, age. But, the good news is that as you grow older, you may find different things that make the relationship sexier and richer. Earthier even.

But the one thing that can never change is you and your partner’s willingness to communicate. Because as long as you are both in agreement to how your relationship will be defined. You can maintain your love. By doing that you can continue to be the way you were.

*For the non-Spanish speaker, “toda hodida” is equivalent to “all fucked up.”


Building your bucket list

Ever since I can remember, I have had a running list of notables that I longed to accomplish. Nothing written in stone, just a few things that I thought would give my life dimension. Over time, I began to develop a written list. And, I have begun to accomplish those goals.

It can seem obsessive to create a bucket list. You make a plan for future fun. In time, you hope to make enough of an effort to check some of those items off your list. I admit; I love it. It is probably my most American of traits.

If you are interested in developing your list, permit me to impart some thoughts on how to proceed.

Create your list

The purpose of a bucket list is to help you grow. Therefore, creating a bucket list requires self-analysis and contemplation. If you need help creating your bucket list, start by answering a few questions.

Do you like people? Do you like being out in nature? Do you wish to take risks? Do you like to learn?

When I thought of these questions, I realized that I do like people and being somewhat in nature. I recognized that my risk taking days are over but my days or learning are not. Based on my answers to the questions above, I added the following items to my bucket list:

Learn (at least one) foreign language; Travel to every State in the US, Travel to every country in the Americas and Europe; Create a blog; and, Become a published author.

I further defined my categories. For example, “foreign languages” can be identified by the specific languages if there are more than one. I currently speak English and Spanish. During the pandemic, I started learning Portuguese. I can now envision adding French and Italian to my future bucket list.

When creating your bucket list, another consideration should be how the categories are interlinked. For example, one of my goals is to travel throughout the Americas and Europe. Being conversant in multiple languages will make my travels easier. In fact, I see a link with my becoming fluent in another language with the increased likelihood that my spouse and I would live abroad during retirement.

Take active steps

Once you have one or more items on your list, work towards achieving those goals. Your bucket list cannot lay fallow for too long. You will have to carve out time for your endeavor. This is a good thing. Remember, it is important for every person to make time for themselves. I posit that taking active steps to accomplish an item from your bucket list will help you destress.

Another important note, it’s important to know when to stop. If, after you have begun working on a bucket list item, you cease to enjoy it, then let it go. Do not cling to those things which no longer serve you.

Now it’s your turn. How have you developed your bucket list? Share with me in the comments.

Need more ideas?

Needing more ideas to add to your bucket list? I have spent countless hours… “researching” (it sounds so much better than wasting time) online to cultivate the following list:

Learn to play an instrument;

Make every recipe in a cookbook;

Read a book a month for life;

Grow a bonsai;

Be an extra in a movie;

Learn to dance;

Watch the sun set on every continent; or

Become a master craftsperson.